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Pitchapalooza pitches Archives - Page 13 of 15 - The Book Doctors

The Book Doctors

Category: Pitchapalooza pitches

  • S. Schilling-Kreutner

    Down’s Dragon by S. Schilling-Kreutner

    How do you know when somebody pushes “play” on a paused apocalypse? A dragon over the Kansas Flint Hills might be a clue…

    Down’s Dragon is an 85,000 word young adult fantasy that combines a “behind the scene” supra-plot like McCaffrey’s YA Harper Hall with edgy, first-person narrative similar to Butcher’s adult series, The Dresden Files.

    Friday Jones is perfectly happy kicking her Doc Martens back with a Sunny D at her sister’s bar in rural Miramar, but after she totals her Harley—thanks to a cruising dragon—a new world opens up like a Butler County sinkhole. This time, fracking isn’t to blame. Franky, the hottie motorcycle mechanic, invites her to his grandfather’s place. The surrounding communities think Salazar Ranch is a camp for wayward teens. They’re wayward, all right—way weird. The ranch fronts for a troop of juvenile wizards. Belowground hulks an ancient, magical city. Genies and fairies and dragons… oh, my. Down ain’t the Emerald City.

    They await a reincarnated super-mage. The problem is, she won’t remember her previous life and they’re practically drowning in doppelgangers. Friday’s a candidate—but when the mega-villain attacks, she joins Salazar’s delinquents, instead. Let someone else save the universe. She’s too busy turning Wichita upside down chasing her shadowself, trapping dragons and rescuing “normals” from tantrum-ing genies. …Not bad for a girl from Bofooked. Eat your heart out, Dorothy.

    S. Schilling-Kreutner grew up in Sedgwick County, KS, earned a BA from WSU and taught night school students to write before haring off into the world.

     

    The Book Doctors: We find this a wonderfully written pitch.  All the particular details really bring it to life.  From DOC Martins to Sunny D, to the sinkhole in Butler County.  The voice has a wonderfully sarcastic tone, lots of nice wordplay.  For example, Wayward =  way weird. And finally some great comparable titles.  Everyone should pay attention to the way these are presented here.  They display deep knowledge of the genre, and call out particulars in these works that will attract similar readers.  We love the fact that there is a supra-plot, but we didn’t quite see how this is manifested.  The pitch does get a little dodgy as we move below ground (or “belowground” as it says above), into the camp for way weird teens that’s actually a front for juvenile wizards.  First of all, as soon as you have a camp for juvenile wizards, you venture into very familiar territory.  So immediately we need to see what’s different about your troop of juvenile wizards than all the others we’ve seen through the years.  What’s different about your genies and fairies and dragons?  And we’re a little confused by the doppelgängers.  Might be fun to have us see Friday come face-to-face with her doppelgänger, and later try to chase down herself.  We don’t really understand what a super-mage is.  Or how one is reincarnated.  And what is Friday a candidate for?  Even though we love how much fun you have describing it, we don’t understand what a tantrum-ing Jeannie is.  We love the saucy allusions to the Wizard of Oz.  But when you take us into this new world that you’re building, we need to see it more clearly, understand it more fully.  And then there are the dragons.  Instead of telling us about her accident on her Harley and tossing the Dragon in as a throw-away in the middle of the sentence, maybe show us that scene, with the Dragon barreling down on her as she’s whipping through Kansas on her her iron steed.  Because again, we need to know how dragons fit into your version of Kansas.  Cool setting, cool characters, cool voice, just needs to make clear how the magical part of the story is going to play out, and exactly what the heck it would be like to have dragons in Kansas.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Carol Novis

    Killed by a Knish by Carol Novis

    What secrets lie hidden in the Jewish Community Archive of Aurora, Minnesota?

    Life is ho-hum at the luxurious Minnie and Isaac Memorial Menorah Retirement Home for Ellie Shapiro, until Sam, a popular fellow resident, drops dead after eating a knish that she’s baked. Other murders follow. With her fellow sleuths, formidable octogenarian Riva, ditzy gossip Mollie and Sam’s hapless teen-age grandson Noam, Ellie sets out to find the killer.

    But will the disapproval of Ellie’s hunky crush, Hal, stop the motley detection team before the killer gets her? And will the Menorah’s uptight administrator forbid Ellie from doing the baking she loves?

    Over the course of the book, Ellie gains confidence, a friend, a new career and yes, the guy, as the action takes her from the Menorah kitchens to an out of control fight at a mahjongg game and a revelatory visit to gambling casino, culminating in a confrontation with a crazed murderer.

    You don’t have to be Jewish to enjoy this kosher Cozy Mystery, which combines romance, suspense, humor – even recipes – in the first of a series reminiscent of Harry Kemelman’s popular Rabbi Small novels, Sharon Kahn’s “Fax me a Bagel” and Leighann Dobb’s Lexy Bake (“Wedded Blintz”).

    Readers who will identify with the heroine of this rollicking, humorous, fast-action plot include seniors, foodies and devotees of Cozy Mysteries with a twist.

     

    The Book Doctors: Oy!  What a fun pitch – we plotzed – we’re verklempt.  Publishers, agents and readers are looking for things that are familiar and yet unique.  There is a tried-and-true audience for a great cozy mystery.  An established audience.  But I have yet to see anyone exploit the Kosher Cozy Mystery niche on the world wide bookshelf.  And to place it in Minnesota, which we associate so heavily with those flat, WASP tight lipped Lutherans that inhabit the Cohen Brothers’ Fargo and Garrison Keillor’s Lake Wobegone, seems so humorously antithetical.  I love the specificity of it.  The mahjongg, the menorahs and the knishes.  And you do make it clear that there is a madcap plot, with a little bit of romance, and a plucky heroine at the center trying to do what she loves (baking), and get the guy.  And I think you have very good comparable titles.  Now, how do I make it better?  First of all, don’t tell me she gets the guy in the end.  That’s like pitching me a mystery and saying, “And in the end, the butler did it.”  Does she get the guy?  The answer that question is: You have to read the book.  I don’t like it when you tell me it’s rollicking, it’s humorous, you just have to show me the machinations of the plot without revealing too much.  In that language is so generic, you see that in 1 million pitches, if you’re away from your hook, which is the Minnesota Jewish subculture.  “Oy, you betcha!”  I don’t like it when you see a crazed murderer.  Again, too generic.  How is your crazed murderer different than all the other crazed murderers I’ve seen in a million mysteries?  I think when Sam drops dead, it’s not dramatic enough.  You have a dead body.  It’s your job to show us you can either make us laugh or take our breath away with that dead body.  Or possibly both!  And the first sentence is too long.  Very good pitch, really fun story, needs a little tightening, and a little polishing.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Madison Russel

    By Madison Russel

    The first thing she notices when she walks into the room is that she’s the only woman. The second thing she notices when she walks into the room is that she’s the only Hispanic. The third thing she notices when she walks into the room is that no one wants her there.

    At twenty-six years old, Abbie Acosta has the perfect life. She lives in an apartment in Los Angeles with her best friend, Juli. She has a loving family and a great job as a sound producer at the public broadcasting station. The problem is, it’s not enough. In an industry dominated by men, Abbie wants to stand out, not be pushed back. She steps out of her comfort zone, taking jobs she never thought would come her way. With Juli by her side, Abbie begins to believe that maybe she can have it all. This is a story that will resonate with every girl, young and old, who has ever dreamed of working in the field of technology.

     

    The Book Doctors: The story of a female who wants to work in a male dominated field is very fresh and timely.  We like how your pitch starts, with her walking into a room and being  the unwanted, reviled Other.  (For the sake of economy and redundancy, you don’t need to have the phrase “when she walks into the room” each time.)  We are absolutely rooting for Abbie  to succeed because she’s the underdog, she’s the little person fighting against an unjust corrupt system.  The problem with this pitch is that you don’t give us enough.  For instance, in the first scene, show us a word picture of how these men are looking at her–give us a few of the snide underhanded comments that are made.  We don’t understand why she loves being a sound producer so much.  Give us some insights into what it’s like to be our heroine.  And we want to know what it means for her to step out of her comfort zone. What are the particulars of the jobs that she takes?  When you tell us that she lives in an apartment in Los Angeles with her best friend, that sentence seems very flat.   Give us the details of the life she has built for herself with her friend.  Show us some of the conflict. Show us the failures and the difficulties. Show us the pigheaded man she’s going to have to overcome.  Better not to tell that your story will resonate with every girl, young and old, who has ever dreamed of working in the field of technology.  Instead show it to us. Again, no comparison titles.  None whatsoever.  Wonderful story about a woman entering a male-dominated field and having to fight prejudice to pursue the things she loves in life.  The pitch is much too short, and it needs to be filled in with details of what our plucky heroine has to fight against and overcome.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Chelsea DeVries

    One Last Breath by Chelsea DeVries

    I’m pleased to introduce my memoir, One Last Breath. One Last Breath is the story of life, death, and the undying hope of first love. At the young age of twenty-one, I woke up on August 11, 2012 and couldn’t breathe. It felt as though I was breathing through a straw or an elephant was sitting on my chest. It was the first real near-death experience. The memoir introduces my near-death experience and then takes the reader down memory lane through different illnesses I faced throughout my childhood: premature birth, lazy eye, and strep throat, the flu, bronchitis, tonsillitis, and all leading up to my diagnosis with a thyroid disorder. Through chapter length anecdotes, we see how I faced childhood bullying and self-esteem issues. With a face to face visit from Jesus, I get saved and start living my life with a greater purpose. Call it divine intervention or meant to be but in my freshman year of college, I meet Judas, and fall in love for the first time in my life. The story follows not only my near-death experience, but a second chance of life, and my undying hope for true love with Judas. The story runs about 74, 747 words.. I’m a recent graduate of Saint Leo University and hold a bachelor’s degree in marketing and a minor in International Hospitality.My first two YA novels were self-published by Outskirts Press: Dream Girl (2006) and Jessica’s Choice (2008). I currently work as a freelance writer for Outloud Multimedia.

     

    The Book Doctors: You have an incredible true story.  We’d like to say how sorry we are that you had to live through all that.  The silver lining is, this is absolutely the stuff of memoirs.  Our brave heroine overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds to find happiness. We have divine intervention, Jesus, Judas, a lazy eye, a disordered thyroid and, of course, true love.  With a twist that it may be Judas and not Prince Charming.  We also like your title and how you plant its flag right at the beginning of your pitch.  But that first line is just so familiar, not just in content, but in the actual language.  Think of all the stories that are about life, death, and first love.   We think that it would be great to take us a little further down the road of your near-death experience.  We’ve heard so much about what that is like.  There’s a light you’re walking toward it, there’s people waiting for you, we are told.  But give us a little taste of what you are adding to this discussion.  There is a tendency to redundancy here.  You mention the phrase “near-death” twice in the space of about 10 words.  You only have 250 words, and as Arielle famously said, (it bears repeating which is why we are repeating it) a pitch is like a poem, every word counts.  When you name the disorders you lived through, we don’t get a sense of the struggle and difficulty.  It just becomes a laundry list.  You need to give us a sense of what all this was like so we can feel it, and you need to do it in a few concise words. When your pitch is general and vague, we find ourselves disengaging.  We’ve seen stories about bullying and self-esteem issues a million times.  How is yours different?  God and the Devil are in the details.  We want more details. That’s what makes any story come to life.  But particularly a memoir.  We want to know how this man is Judas.  We want to feel and see the particulars of falling in love with Judas. And we hate to say it, but unless you’ve sold tens of thousands of copies, there is still kind of stigma around self-publishing.  Better to leave the YA titles out if you are using this pitch for agents or editors at larger houses. Fascinating memoir about overcoming physical difficulties, illness and disease, finding Jesus, and falling in love with Judas.  Perfect for the Christian market.  Pitch needs to be more specific, character more revealed, writing more visceral and immediate.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Haley Bonner

    Find Me by Haley Bonner 

    When her older brother tragically dies in an accident, Emily flounders in the wake of her grief and guilt. Her family, though well-meaning, doesn’t help her either. After an “accident” of her own, Emily finds herself on regimented doses of antidepressants and a round-the-clock suicide watch. Content to float in the numb awareness of her meds, Emily plays along for a while. But when faced with how much her continuing apathy wounds her family, she reaches her breaking point.

    Running from the reminders and the blame, Emily leaves her family. Taking up an alias, she finds herself taken in by another well-meaning family. It seems like the perfect place for new beginnings, but home isn’t content to stay away and her ghosts aren’t done playing.

    My writing credentials include one short scene piece and various poems published in a literary arts magazine. I graduated from Wayland Baptist University with a B.A. in English. I currently work as a web writer, but my free time is taken up with writing and reading creative works. As my fist completed novel, Find Me is my greatest accomplishment to-date.

     

    The Book Doctors: This story is happily right in the middle of a very fertile part of the publishing kingdom: books that appeal to women.  And since the one thing we can count on in life is death, there will always be people wanting to read about other humans dealing with family, grief and loss.  Additionally, the over-medicating of America is a fascinating and hot-button topic. But this pitch deals so much in generalities that we don’t make enough emotional connection with our main character.  Everything is told and little is shown.  It opens with the phrase “tragically dies,”  which is a cliché.  Then you take what seems to be a fantastically dramatic and mind-blowing event, and reduce it to something that our eyes  just skim over.  Display your writing chops for us by showing this death, and Emily’s part in it.  Later you hint that she’s dealing with the guilt.  Is she responsible in some way?  Does she think she’s responsible?  And then she has an “accident.”  We don’t know what that is.  Does she try to take her own life?  This has been done in so many stories, we have to know how yours is different; we have to know that you can take us into that dark heart where these kinds of things happen.  And we think you can do a better job of describing that narcotized feeling of being on drugs than “numb awareness.”   We don’t know exactly what that means. We also don’t get a series of events that lead to a fiery climax.  We don’t understand what the ghosts are who follow her to her next well-meaning family.  Lastly, you can also have some more fun with your bio.  Be more specific about where you were published. We wouldn’t put that this is your greatest accomplishment.  And there’s a spelling mistake in your bio.  David always has someone read his stuff before he sends it out anywhere because he’s a terrible speller, and a worse proofreader.  Know thy strengths.  Do not make spelling mistakes.  Promising family story with unexpected twists, the pitch doesn’t have enough depth of character, doesn’t show enough of the plot.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Jan Flynn

    The Moon Ran After Her by Jan Flynn

    In her village in eastern Anatolia, fifteen-year-old Ani is proud of her reputation as a tomboy, climbing trees and hatching plans to join her brother in America and become a nurse. Her sister Mariam, a young mother and teacher, looks forward to reuniting with her husband in faraway Constantinople. But it’s 1915 and history is about to take a horrific turn. The sisters are wrenched apart and their family shattered as the Ottoman oppression of Armenians escalates to wholesale slaughter. Traveling different paths, each sister faces a wrenching choice.

    Set against the backdrop of the 20th century’s first genocide and based on firsthand accounts of the author’s relatives, The Moon Ran After Her is an unflinching yet uplifting tale of survival.

     

    The Book Doctors: First of all, we love that this is about a tomboy in Anatolia.  And that you’re shedding light on human horrors that have been forgotten.  It’s so important to tell your story. It’s so important that these voices are heard.  And we can see seeds of what’s happening in the world today planted in the fields of these atrocities.  So we definitely believe there’s a book here.  But this pitch does not do your book justice.  First of all, you have 250 words.  So right now it’s way too short.  We  need to know more about our hero and her sister.  Paint us a picture of what their life was like using beautiful language to describe that world, which is absolutely foreign to us.  Show us the scene where they are wrenched apart and their family shattered, show us the Ottoman oppression.  We need to see that you can create a scene in a very short amount of time, using very few words, which wrenches our heart. It’s not enough just to tell us that they travel different paths, and that they faced wrenching choices.  One could say that about hundreds of thousands of books.  There’s not enough proof in this pudding.  Give us images of what the sisters will face, show us the consequences of the war-torn, ravaged country they leave behind.  Show us the ghosts of the dead that haunt them in their new lives, the yearning they feel for each other.  That’s what will make this pitch soar.  Powerful, devastating, relatively unknown story of a people brutally destroyed, and the consequences for two sisters. Pitch needs to be fleshed out, characters illuminated, action revealed.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Paul Schumacher

    The Tattered Box by Paul Schumacher

    THE TATTERED BOX is about a young man named John who is desperate to understand and connect with his Grandpa Bill. John is unexpectedly granted that chance when he is transported back to 1941. Both he and his grandpa are 18 years old, and he gets to experience firsthand his grandpa’s stories. They play baseball together in the snow and enjoy a double date with a woman John later figures out is his grandma.

    They also confront a few tragedies. Bill attempts to rescue a little boy who falls through thin ice, forcing him to reconsider his love for baseball. He also faces an unsuccessful engagement to a woman he thought he loved. All of this is enveloped with the imminent threat of war, as John knows how World War II will forever impact his family.

    The story is partially told through mementos contained in a box, a gift fron Bill to John to highlight important events in his life. But the items take on a life of their own. The muddy ball becomes a real-life story of baseball and perseverance. The toothpick transforms into a story of family and laughter, and the small, wool mitten changes into a story of rescue and heartbreak.

    I am an active member of the Northern Colorado Writers and have been published in over 25 technical journals and proceedings around the world. I have really enjoyed extending my writing skills to fiction, and I look forward to collaborating with you to share this story with others.

     

    The Book Doctors: We like that you put your title first. We like to mention our title several times during a query, because it makes your book seem like a book already. We think you have a good story on your hands here, a classic time slip tale where a guy gets to be the same age as his granddad, and there’s a boy falling through a crack in the ice who our hero must save from drowning. We really like the memento box. But some of this plot is just too familiar. When our hero goes back and has a double date with his own dad, it feels derivative of Back to the Future. And Back to the Future had a better payoff because the hero’s mom had a big crush on him and tried to make out with him. Totally gross! The lack of payoff plagues the entire pitch. You have this great premise but you don’t make us see what you’re going to do that’s unique and new and different. Some of it is just so general. Don’t tell us that things are desperate like you do at the beginning of the pitch. Show us a scene of desperation between a grandfather and his grandson. Show us the kid falling through the ice, make our hearts race and make us marvel at the beauty of your imagery. And let us in on why this might put somebody off baseball. The bottom line is that you don’t give us enough to hang our hat on. This is your audition to show us how you can create a scene quickly and economically that moves us, dazzles us with your storytelling skills, how you paint word pictures that linger in the mind and heart. It would also be great to have some comparable titles so we understand where this books sits on the bookshelf. Lastly, we would have some fun with the stuff you’ve written for technical journals. Trot out one of the most obscure or ridiculous titles of an article you’ve written. And you can just nix the part about how you enjoy extending your writing skills.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • James O’Fallon

    Deadspace by James O’Fallon

    How many millions of murders since the first man (certainly a man, not a woman) picked up a rock? In 2018 Los Angeles, James Decker and Sarah Silverman uncover a murder never seen before. A young woman wearing only a black cocktail dress, Petra Cowpertwaite, floats in space, slowly rotating, a death mask for a face, blonde hair luminous in a weightless halo, on an orbit that will loop her around the sun for centuries.

    Her husband, Reid Cowpertwaite, builds rockets and capsules in Carson, California, the private sector now dominating the space business. He hired them months ago to find his then missing wife. Only Decker and Sarah have come to believe their own client is the killer.  Reid is an arrogant elitist in a Tom Ford suit, what kings wear now instead of fur. Decker is an ex fighter who favors jeans and a leather jacket, Sarah’s a girl who can break your nose while stylish in all black, a tough and smart duo.

    But the dead girl haunts Decker, so like the ex he never got over. The two swirl in his head along with margaritas. Across the bar both women seem to walk toward him. Time to stop drinking. Another LA blonde slides onto the stool next to him, a town full of them. He glances over.

    Petra Cowpertwaite. Then who is the dead girl floating in space? “You won’t believe what I’m about to tell you,” she says, trembling.  

     

    The Book Doctors: We absolutely love the image of the young woman in the black cocktail dress floating in space, slowly rotating.  We’re always looking for something new in a genre, a story, a character.  And this is definitely it. We think you should actually open your pitch with that.  It’s so visual, stunning and unique.  Of course we have no idea how many millions of murders have happened since the first man (yes, we agree, it was probably a man) picked up a rock in anger.  But who really cares?  The cool thing you have going for you is that corpse floating over the earth.  It’s really important to begin a pitch, and a story in fact, with a bang, a hook, something that grabs us by the back of the neck and won’t let go.  You have also given us a classic partnering of James Decker and Sarah Silverman. We can absolutely see a series with those two.  You give us some of an insight into who James is, and that’s great, we really need that.  In fact, we’d like more.  But we would like more information about Sarah as well,  besides the fact that she can break your nose while looking totally hot.  Are they cops?  Are they private detectives?  Not quite clear.  It would  be great to have a little bit more information about why his ex haunts Decker.  But we love the fact that his mind confuses the girl in his head and the girl who’s floating dead.  And it’s such a fantastic ending, when she’s standing next to him, trembling.  Very well done.  Would love to get more of a sense of who Reid is. We’re assuming he is the villain, but all we really know about him is that he’s an arrogant elitist in a Tom Ford suit.  Make us hate this guy.  Make us want to hiss at him. No comparison titles.  That is never a good thing.  We’d love to have more specific incidents which lead up to the twists and turns that will rivet us as your book climaxes.  Very promising murder mystery set in California, with a fantastic hook, full of intriguing possibilities.  Not a bad enough villain, not enough information about our hard-boiled detective in the middle of the story.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Winning Pitchapalooza by Gloria Chao

    This is originally from a great website called Novel Pitch. 

    Gloria Chao was the winner of the 2015 Pitchapalooza contest put on by The Book Doctors. She and I connected via twitter. The following is her experience from the event. 0wjqQGQB

    I am honored that NovelPitch has invited me to share my experience pitching in The Book Doctor’s 2015 Pitchapalooza contest. I’m a strong supporter of writers helping writers, and am excited to give back (though I wish I could give more!) to the community that has helped in my journey thus far. Thank you, Ralph, for your Novel Pitch efforts, and thank you, fellow writers, for your constant support.

    I heard about the Pitchapalooza contest through Twitter and submitted my query. Based on The Book Doctors’ comments, I believe my pitch stood out because of the specifics—namely, the wording and humor. Since my novel is multicultural, I used words that gave a taste of Chinese culture, e.g. “sticking herself with needles” and “fermented tofu.” I also highlighted the wacky characters with phrases such as “expiring ovaries,” “unladylike eating habits,” and “Taiwanese Ivy Leaguer.” I think capturing the manuscript’s voice in the query was why my pitch was chosen.

    Winning Pitchapalooza gave me confidence and the courage to keep fighting. It also helped bring my manuscript to the next level. I had struggled with my genre, pitching NA contemporary for the contest. The Book Doctors helped me realize this was the incorrect categorization, pointing me toward adult with suggestions to age up my manuscript by changing from first person to third. This released a flood of ideas, and I spent the next several months rewriting—adding 24K words, changing the POV, and writing with a women’s fiction audience in mind. I ended up with a manuscript that finally felt right.

    The journey to publication is infamous for being long and relentless, but enjoying the small accomplishments along the way (and the writing, of course!) is what keeps me motivated. Putting ideas into words, sharing work with others, getting a personalized rejection, receiving a request, winning a contest—these are all achievements that require courage and are worth celebrating. And the writing community, including myself, will always be happy to celebrate with you!

    Here are some of my tips for making your query stand out:

    • If you’re new to querying, check out Query Shark, published authors’ blogs, Writer’s Digest, and craft books.
    • Keep the 250 word count in mind, but only at the end. When you first start, just write. You’re more likely to have gems if you’re whittling down.
    • Avoid clichés, generalities, and obvious stakes. Use unique words to convey your voice (and do this in your manuscript as well).
    • Cut out every word that’s not essential. Too much detail bogs the story down.
    • When you think your query is ready, get fresh eyes on it—family (my husband read a thousand versions of my pitch), friends, and other writers you meet through Twitter. Start with those familiar with your book, then end with people who know nothing about it. The latter will help identify confusing elements and will let you know if the pitch as a whole is not grabbing enough. Then, seize every critique opportunity by entering contests.

    You can read Gloria’s winning pitch for AMERICAN PANDA here.

    About Gloria:

    I earned a bachelor’s degree from MIT and graduated magna cum laude from Tufts Dental—the perfect Taiwanese-American daughter. Except I wasn’t happy. To get through practicing dentistry, I wrote. It took years to gather the strength to push my dental career aside, against my parent’s wishes, to pursue writing full-time. Our relationship suffered, but my most recent novel, AMERICAN PANDA, strengthened our bond by forcing me to ask questions I never dared before. Now, my mother and I laugh about fermented tofu and setups with the perfect Taiwanese boy (though I think she still worries about my expiring ovaries).

    You can find out more about Gloria at her website and on twitter.

    Website: https://gloriachao.wordpress.com/

    Twitter: https://twitter.com/gloriacchao

  • The Book Doctors on TV with Pitchapalooza

    this is from our epic Pitchapalooza @ Anderson’s just outside of Chicago, in Naperville.