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National Novel Writing Month Archives - Page 2 of 5 - The Book Doctors

The Book Doctors

Tag: National Novel Writing Month

  • David Hogue

    By David Hogue

    “The brave are filled with fear, but they do not close their eyes,” whispers the rhinoceros Forticor to Boshko—just moments before Forticor is killed, his horn hacked off, and Boshko himself is kidnapped.

    Boshko has always been the runt, the loser, the frightened one. It’s no wonder that his father, the great warrior and chief of the village, has so little to say to him. Now, dragged away from the pastures of Africa and shipped to cosmopolitan Rema, he must consider what Forticor’s words mean as he labors beside hundreds of other slaves in the state-owned Complex. It is here that objects of power—like Forticor’s horn—are stored in shrines and used to make Reman weapons powerful enough to rule the empire. Boshko’s bravery is soon put to the test when the powerful Senator Julius makes him a secret offer—freedom and a voyage home in exchange for stealing the horn for his private use. Would Forticor have approved? Probably not. But if instead, Boshko steals the horn for himself and smuggles it back to Africa where it belongs—now that will take courage.

    I am a high school Latin teacher, who has been telling Greek and Roman myths to my students for the past ten years now, and I have enjoyed exploring what I consider the magical world of Roman culture.

     

    The Book Doctors: What a slam bang crackerjack opening.  So filled with action. Shocking and gruesome. Plus surreal magic realism of a talking rhinoceros. Tied in, no doubt, we already suspect, with the horrific hot-button topic of the extermination of animals because humans believe they have magical and powerful qualities.  We love that you then give us a thumbnail sketch of our hero, the  detail of him being a runt and the idea of him being a loser. We immediately find ourselves rooting for him to succeed.  You have very quickly gotten us to emotionally bond with this character.  Very well done.  We also see that he’s been rejected by his father, by his family, and now he follows in the long tradition of innocents enslaved against their will by cruel greedy masters. The pitch loses us a little when we get to the part about the objects of power being stored and used to make powerful weapons.  How are these weapons different than all the other weapons we’ve seen in all the other stories we’ve read?  But you put us right back in the saddle when he is called upon by the rich and powerful Senator to steal the horn.  And thus the plot is set into motion.  The problem is, we really only have what amounts to a great set up for a story.  We want to know more about the escalating series of events as our hero goes on his Odyssey with the rhinoceros’s horn.  And we want some kind of answer to the question: How does the rhinoceros talk?  If he’s not in an Ionesco play, that is.  You say that you want to explore the magical world of Roman culture, but we don’t get enough of that in this pitch; particularly the nuts and bolts specifics of what is magical in your world.  Fascinating story about the power of animals, the resilience of runts, the horrors of slavery, Africa and courage.  We need to see more of the plot, and understand more of the machinations of this strange and fantastical world the author is taking us into.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Tlotlo Tsamaase

    Viroid by Tlotlo Tsamaase

    Gaborone, Botswana

    College freshman Zuri Masozi grew up in a simulated world, Virtualis, where he and his friends are integrated to expensive downloadable apps that allows them to modify their gender, race and body size. He can be anything he wants to be: male, female, old, sexy.  So when the medical-procedure day arrives for the eighteen-year-old boy, he’s eager for a gender change. To him the medical procedure allows him to be what he’s always desired: a girl. In Virtualis there are no surgical cuts and there are procreation options. Virtualis is idyllic unlike Realum the reality-based world Zuri abhors.

    But, when a group of outsiders, Viroids, instigate attacks to overthrow Virtualis, Zuri fights to terminate them according to the government’s strict regime: by being both a student and a soldier—the perfect patriot for a dying city. Like hell will she lose her ‘selected’ gender when she’d waited years to become a woman. Virtualis is her sanctuary and the way she sees it: nothing will stand in her way to preserve it. Only, she’s clueless as to what happens to their plugged-in bodies in Realum.

    VIROID is an Adult science-fiction complete at 77,000 words. VIROID hosts a multicultural diverse cast concerning their struggles with their gender, race and sexuality as they battle to survive in a power-hungry commercialist world much like Moxyland by Lauren Beukes á la Ghost in a Shell.

     

    The Book Doctors: The issue of transitioning genders, the fluidity of sexual identity, and the choice of how one carries oneself through the world is of much interest at the moment.  And we’ve never seen this issue tackled quite like this. It’s fascinating to create a virtual world where one can become whomever one wants to be without having to undergo surgery or any other physical change. Fascinating, compelling and unique.  It’s everything we want in a book, taking a topic we’re interested in, and giving it a new treatment.  That being said, we don’t understand enough of how the virtual world and the real world interact and coexist.  It will be great to give us some word pictures of our hero/heroine in both places.  We also don’t get an idea of who the Viroids are, what they look like, why they’re so intent on destroying the virtual world.  And it’s a little unclear when the pronoun changes from male to female.  We also, again, don’t see a series of events that escalate and lead to a fiery climax.  We like the comparable title.  We don’t quite see enough of the power-hungry commercialized world in the pitch and would like to see more of that because it is an of-the-moment villainous entity.  And we’d like to see more of the interior of our hero, besides the fact that he/she wants to save the world and go from being a man to a woman.  Shine a light inside him/her so we can see what it’s like to be in a body that’s the wrong sex.  We love the fact that you’re from Botswana, and we have no idea how to pronounce your name, but it seems like it will sound absolutely wonderful when spoken aloud.  Fantastic idea for addressing an issue which obsesses a nation, a very post-modern take on gender fluidity and assignment.  Not a clear enough picture of how this world works, and who exactly our hero is.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Mary-Beth Brophy

    Hollywood Heights by Mary-Beth Brophy

    Percy Minor is an aspiring actress trying to survive in 1920s Hollywood, where desperate would-be ingénues are the ultimate party favors at smart celebrity dos. When her roommate is murdered along with Louis B. Mayer’s latest pet director, Edmund Cantor, Percy is faced with an ultimatum: team up with the Big Five studios’ sinister private police force, the Shadow Squad, to unmask the killer or become the Squad’s next victim.

    Percy finds unexpected allies among Los Angeles’ most vulnerable: Pike, a gay member of the Shadow Squad; his lover Tony, an LAPD detective; and Estelle, a female Pinkerton hired to dig up blackmail material on Percy. Together, they discover that Cantor’s murder may be linked to his murky Broadway past.

    Percy’s investigation leads her to a high-end brothel, the notorious Garden of Allah, and even gangster Mickey Cohen. But as the body count climbs, she realizes that she is probing a mystery that Mayer may not want solved. And in an era when vulnerable young women can simply vanish and the murder of a gay man wouldn’t raise an eyebrow, she must bring down the Shadow Squad if she hopes to escape with her life.
    It’s a long fall from the Hollywood Heights.

     

    The Book Doctors: We’re suckers for Hollywood stories.  David even wrote one himself.  There’s a wonderful tradition, and a big fan base, for a noirish story with tragically flawed heroes, cool-as-hell villains with their huge brute muscle-headed minions, and of course the drop-dead dames with their glamorous gams. The difficulty is that there have been so many stories written about this little part of the world, from the old school stylings of Raymond Chandler in The Big Sleep, to the neo-noir of James Elroy in LA Confidential, to the modern madness of Don Winslow in Savages.  So when you start your pitch with the phrase “aspiring actress” we’re already bored.  Swear to God, that’s all it takes.  If you have to go through 50 pitches every day, just looking for some reason to say no, that phrase shines like a neon cliché  sign.  You have to show us how your writing is different, fresh, a new take on a time-honored tradition.  When you use general generic words like “sinister” and “murky”, we drift.  As Arielle says, a pitch is like a poem, every word counts.  The  gay angle is interesting, but that was one of the key plot points in LA Confidential.  What are you going to do that we haven’t seen before?  And there’s not enough word pictures that show us this fabulous world you’re promising us.  Inside the brothel for example.  At the lavish parties.  Bathe us in that spectacular lavish era.  Vulnerable women and gay men get chewed up and spit out in Tinsel Town then disappear; that’s been the staple of these kinds of stories since the 1930s.  We need to see more of how you are going to add something to this genre.  The way you introduce the murders is also quite undramatic.  It’s a dead body.  And you bury it in the middle of the sentence.  Jolt us with that dead body.  And speaking of sentences, the second sentence is just TOO LONG.  We can’t remember where we were at the beginning by the time we get to the end.  We tried reading the sentence out loud. It was so exhausting we needed a nap by the time we were done.  We didn’t get enough of a climax either.  We want you to show us worst-case scenario, what’s going to happen to this dame: details, word pictures, make sure we’re hanging by our fingertips off the edge of the cliff thinking: She can’t possibly overcome these seemingly insurmountable odds.  A great setting, stylish writing, very promising, not enough specificity, not enough plot, not enough twists and turns, or details from the Hooray for Hollywood Golden Years.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Rachel Malcolm

    One Act of Defiance by Rachel Malcolm

    One Act of Defiance merges detailed medical and birth scenes with commercial, high-action—Call the Midwife meets Divergent—a 55,000 word YA novel about a young midwife of the future who risks her life on a quest for freedom. Mark Spencer, award-winning author of A Haunted Love Story, said my writing is “Compelling, vivid, and fast-paced.”

    After her mother is executed for treason, seventeen-year-old Naya, must take over as midwife. When she is asked not to implant a baby with a potentially life-threatening tracer, Naya chooses compassion over obedience to the ruthless government—the same crime that got her mother shot. As a deo, Naya must spend three days a week in military training games. Naya excels in the training and secretly loves her instructor, Jairan. But she uncovers the disturbing truth that their “games” are actually remote drone attacks in the Continent’s plot to take over the world. Naya’s knowledge makes her an enemy of the Continent, and it is Jairan’s job to hunt Naya down and kill her. Naya joins with the rebels and discovers that their leader is her father—long thought dead. They must expose the Continent’s plot and stop them, or their people will never be free.

    I’m passionate about birth and work as a birth doula when I’m not homeschooling my six wild and wonderful children. I anticipate the promotional support of the birth community of midwives and doulas of North America. One Act of Defiance has series potential.  

     

    The Book Doctors: We love the idea of a midwife from the future as the heroine of a book.  When we had our child, we had a doula and a midwife, and honestly, we don’t know what we would’ve done without them.  We love that you establish your credentials as the mother of six, and as someone who has actually brought life into the world.  Respect.  We really enjoy the idea of the guy that our heroine has a secret love for is the one who is sent out to kill her.  We would like to know if he shares her feelings.  We do make a serious emotional connection with young Naya.  She seems like such a worthy person, taking over for her murdered mother, choosing compassion over obeying an evil government.  We find ourselves rooting for her.  And that’s huge in this kind of book.  Heck, in any kind of book where there’s a plot and characters.  And it’s great when she uncovers the fact that the training exercises she and her compadres are participating in our actually remote drone attacks.  Again, the fact that she joins the rebels and wants to fight against evil in this very specific way makes us love Naya, and turns us into cheerleaders for her.  The long-lost dead father is a nice touch.  But we don’t quite get enough word pictures of this world that you are creating for us.  How is it different from the world we live in?  We need to have a few more pieces of action where we see Naya helping a woman who’s in trouble give birth, fighting against the evil government, going face-to-face with her love interest, reuniting with her father. And these must escalate us towards a wild climax.  Again, you don’t want to give away the ending, you want to leave us cliff-hanging. But we don’t get enough of the plot as it plays out in your story.  Wonderful main character, a midwife from the future, something we haven’t seen yet in the 20,000 pitches we’ve read or heard. Lots of cool details, just need to see more clearly what this world is, and how the action is going to unfold.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Danielle Lewis

    Salt by Danielle Lewis

    Ariella’s blue eyes reflected back the blue of the ocean as if from the same brush stroke. She hadn’t even bothered to bring shoes or a towel. Visitors needed accessories to survive a day at sea while she, a seaside dweller, only needed the sea to survive. Her pink lips curved up in a smirk as one of the mothers nearby dropped a bag of chips into the sand and it was instantly seized by seagulls as pillage. All she knew was she needed nothing besides those white, constant crests and a surfboard to be happy. Ary pushed back her hair which was crisp to the touch from the dried salt and sand of yesterday. She bent down to grab her pink and blue surfboard and sighed. A tiny, half dollar sized crab was perched on the top of her foot. She shook her head to herself as she gently took the sweetly sleeping crab off of her foot before she hoisted up her board with one arm and no effort. The crab scuttled away as if apologetic.

    There was no explaining the way sea creatures loved her. There was no explaining a lot about Ariella— her mother’s disappearance, her best friend’s inability to return her affection, his brother’s disappearance,  her eccentric father, and a town with whom Ariella has a personal relationship with every surfer bum, sea turtle and tourist shop owner. And that’s not even listing her newfound ability to drown and survive.  

     

    The Book Doctors: This is an intriguing pitch.  It leaves us curious, which is, ultimately, the goal of any great pitch.  But while we are curious, we are not entirely sold.  We don’t really know enough.  You spend the first two-thirds of the pitch describing our heroine, and some of that is great, because we do really emotionally bond with her.  But she’s also kind of mean, which concerned us.  Why does she feel so superior to the visitor who loses her chips?  We also don’t feel you can spend so much time elaborately detailing her approach to the ocean with her surfboard.  Then the next small paragraph goes by so fast, we don’t really understand how any of this manifests into the plot of a book.  It becomes a laundry list.  Not a story.  We want to know that you are capable of showing us a new and fascinating way that a human has a relationship to sea creatures who love her.  We want to see how she interacts with surfer bombs and sea turtles alike.  But most of all, we want to understand exactly how it is that she drowns and survives.  Of course, we don’t want you to give away everything.  But you don’t give away enough at the moment.  We don’t understand what this character desperately wants that she doesn’t have.  We don’t see a series of events which lead to a fiery climax.  And once again, we have no comparable titles.  Beautifully rendered portrait of a world and a woman, intriguing possibilities of heretofore unseen relationships with sea creatures, living, dying and drowning.  Pitch is too thin, needs meat on its bones, unclear how any of this potentially amazing stuff is actually going to manifest.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Patricia Walsh

    Spring Lake School Boys: Where’s Our Larry? by Patricia Walsh

    Who knew that the much-loved, and a little bit scary, janitor of Spring Lake School is the school’s most valuable person? Larry the janitor, who calls students Turkey Heads, creates milk-spilling, lunchroom chaos, and encourages nonsense and silliness in the hallways, suddenly goes missing without explanation. Solving the mystery falls to three best-friend-fifth-graders—Lenny, Noah, and Angelo. But finding Larry is only part of their story. These clever boys also need to find a way to get both Larry and fun back to Spring Lake School. Their plan is so audacious that it is in danger of being stopped cold by Principal Nickels (nickname: “Old Buffalo), a rule-enforcing, fun-squashing principal who started this trouble in the first place.

    I have written several non-fiction books for early and middle-grade readers, including co-authored titles in the series Life Cycle of a…, (Heinemann), which were named among Science Books & Films Best Science Books for Children 2002. School Library Journal called my Draw-It series (Heinemann) a valuable addition to the how-to-draw books by renown authors Leon J. Ames and Ed Emberley. As a former third-grader teacher with a Masters in Teaching and more than 20 years as a writer and editor in educational publishing, I incorporate sound reading skills in my stories. My goal: To write entertaining books, which exemplify good values and incorporate the reading skills we teach.

     

    The Book Doctors: This is a really fun, old-fashioned story that still has a place in the world.  The school janitor is an iconic figure that’s been around for a long time, and will continue to be around as long as kids puke on floors.  We love the three plucky kids solving the crime, Hardy Boys-style.  And of course they uncover a much bigger story that involves the mean principal.  The fact that you are going to incorporate reading skills into the story, with your expertise as a former teacher with a Masters in Teaching, is gravy on the cake, and icing on the meat.  However, some of this does sound a little too familiar.  The fun-squashing principal has been a staple of this kind of story for decades.  Ferris Bueller’s Day Off is already 30 years old, and they went to great lengths to torment and torture that anal-retentive character.  We need to see what you’re going to do with this time-honored tradition that we haven’t seen before.  And don’t tell us the boys are clever, let us come to that conclusion by showing them doing something clever.  We want to see more of the nonsense and silliness this kooky janitor brings to the party.  Milk-spilling lunchroom chaos doesn’t really sound very original, inventive or new.  What kind of fun are our heroes trying to bring back?  Again, as in all these pitches, as in all writing, your story starts to come alive when you give us some of the particulars.  We need to know more about the crazy machinations of the hijinks these boys get into, and how the stakes are continuously escalating. And could someone please tell us, where have all the comparison titles gone? A gripping yarn for kids of all ages about an unsung American hero: the janitor.  And three plucky heroes who were going to get to the bottom of his disappearance.  Needs more differentiation from the canon of stories about kids in schools, and kids solving mysteries.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Caleb Ajinomoh

    Outback Wrangler by Caleb Ajinomoh

    How does the gruesome murder of a dojo master in Wyoming trigger off damning consequences for an international criminal organization headquartered in Paris, a revenge-obsessed Interpol agent, an Asian-American media mogul and throws up an unlikely romance between a bisexual journalist and a moody femme fatale?

    Renee Binagli is exceptional at her job: getting paid handsomely to terminate lives. But no one prepared her for meeting the unlikeliest of client/victims: her shadow employer, her supposedly dead father, the one man she would kill a thousand times for free.  But she has to deal with feelings for Brian Calum-Wright, a cross-border blackmail connoisseur/journalist with a similar taste for men and women who loses his mind and goes on a tragic reconnecting mission, trying to find his ex-boyfriend slaughtered by, Ji, CEO of a global media brand who’s after an oil company but he needs evidence in possession of a wanted man to sink her present owners. His life is made more difficult by Harold, who wants nothing of the spoils of Interpol politicking back in Paris, but he’ll gleefully use his credentials to hunt down the man who set his brother’s family on fire years ago. Ji holds the answers to many of his questions.

    They’re thrown on the same bus. Who’s driving? Where are they headed?

    Donahue has changed names and appearance so many times he knows his invincibility cloak is fitted. They’re coming for him. But they have a bigger problem: getting out of each other’s way.

     

    The Book Doctors: Wonderful idea, with lots to love: a hired killer with daddy issues, international intrigue, CEO of a global media brand, revenge, Paris, a bisexual journalist, a beautiful moody dangerous female. And a great voice: “his invincibility cloak is fitted.” Unfortunately, the pitch is mired in cliché.  Gruesome murder, damning consequences, international criminal organization.  Moody femme fatale.  Those are all words we’ve heard and things we’ve seen hundreds of times.  We would skip that whole first paragraph except for the dojo master in Wyoming.  We would open the pitch with a scene showing the Wyoming dojo master being murdered.  Give us evidence that you can create a scene which is steeped in the tradition of gruesome murders, but is unique and fresh and thoroughly awesome.  We like the initial setup of the female hired killer having to whack her own supposedly dead father–that’s tight and interesting.  We find ourselves wanting to see that come to life a little more.  But then you take us right into this gigantically huge, long sentence, with too many characters, way too much information and  we get completely lost.  It’s not your job in a pitch to tell the whole story.  It’s your job to make the reader desperately want to read your book.  As in several of these pitches, we don’t understand here who is the hero, we haven’t emotionally engaged with someone we’re rooting for.  We don’t understand who is the villain, who we love to hate.  And we don’t understand enough of the action or how the plot escalates into a fiery climax that is going to be unexpected yet satisfying. We also don’t get any comparable titles.  Can’t stress those darn things enough, especially when you’re writing genre fiction.  In fact we don’t get your title either.  Fascinating premise, too many characters, not enough plot, intriguing but confusing.  

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Allison Epstein

    The Devil and the Rose by Allison Epstein

    We open in 1585. England. Cambridge, to put a finer point on things. Queen Elizabeth is at the height of her reign. Threats from Catholic conspirators—foreign and domestic—lurk unspoken behind every word. And an irreverent, ambitious graduate student named Christopher “Kit” Marlowe finds himself summoned from his dormitory and ushered into a locked office.

    Within, he finds a calculating, hard-eyed stranger—Sir Francis Walsingham, Queen Elizabeth’s spymaster. And Walsingham has come with a proposition.

    The Devil and the Rose, complete at about 90,000 words, dives deep into the world of Elizabethan espionage, following Kit as he embarks on a mission to sniff out plots of regicide and rebellion while undercover in the service of Mary Stuart, Queen of Scots.

    As Kit soon discovers, he has a knack for lying, developed over years of writing poetry—and of keeping his newly understood homosexuality a secret. But as he descends deeper into a tangled web of coded letters, false identities, and threatening war, he quickly discovers that espionage is much more than he bargained for.

    Resenting and fearing the helplessness of a life directed by the crown, Kit forcibly carves out safe spaces for himself. He clings to his relationship with fellow scholar Tom Watson, and to his rising star in the world of London theater. But around him is a world steadily falling to chaos, where queens clash for supremacy, every smile hides a knife at the ready—and the threat posed by enemies is nothing compared to that posed by friends.

     

    The Book Doctors: We’re suckers for Elizabethan espionage, preferably featuring Mary, Queen of Scots.  And if we can get Christopher Marlowe thrown in, all the better.  There’s so much fun stuff in this pitch.  Like the fact that his knack for lying has been developed over years of writing poetry. We laughed when we read that.  And his closeted gayness gives lots of opportunity for drama, pathos and humor.  The writing has a wonderful panache and style, which makes us feel comfortable believing that you can actually pull this off. We like being taken into the world of Marlowe as he becomes a rising star of London theater, while behind the scenes, a Game of Thrones courtly spying death match is happening. But we find ourselves wanting more word pictures that show us you are going to be able to create that world in a way we haven’t seen before.  We want to know more about the relationship between our hero and the scholar, Tom Watson, or cut it.  And there needs to be more specifics about the villain in the piece, who seems to be rather absent. And we need to know more about the specifics of the plot, the fun, scary, deadly, crazy images, characters and plot twists which are going to keep us on the edge of our doublets and pantaloons. We would cut the words “We open in”.  Because in a pitch every word is sacred, every word is blessed, every word is absolutely vitally crucially important.  You probably don’t need the words: “to put a finer point on things.”  Get us to the characters, get us to the action.  Don’t tell us about Queen Elizabeth, because we’ve been told about her many many many times before.  Show her to us in a new light.  We don’t know what kind of threats are coming from the Catholics, we want you to show that to us.  And we don’t want you to tell us that our hero is irreverent and ambitious, we want to fall in love with him when you show us what a brilliant cheeky monkey he is.   We hate to sound like a broken record, but the fact there are no comparable titles has the effect of breaking our record.  Do people even use that phrase anymore?  There are no more records.  It freezes our screen.  How about that?  This is a really fun story about a great era that holds lots of interest to lots of people, with a fascinating iconic superstar playwright who died tragically young at the center of it.  Needs more visual touches, more specifics about the court intrigue and the deadly plot.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • Frances Avnet

    The Tale of Deirdre by Frances Avnet

    The Tale of Deirdre is an entertaining swashbuckling tale about Deirdre, a free spirited noble woman who joins her pirate husband, Murtagh, in an attempt to hold onto their way of life.  Full of exciting battle scenes on land and sea, my novel gives a glimpse inside an Ireland most people didn’t knew existed—the Emerald’s Isle piratical past.

    The couple battle the English government, other pirates and Murtagh’s brother, Owen, to preserve their livelihood, their land, and yes, themselves.

    This is not a sugary romance novel, laced with x rated sex scenes, but a fast paced historical novel that will appear to both men and women, especially those looking for a good beach read.

     

    The Book Doctors: Everybody loves a great pirate story.  And in a very crowded marketplace, you seem to have swashbuckled your way into a nice little hole in the pirate story landscape, the Irish Emerald Aisle section.  That being said, the pitch needs lots of work.  I think it’s always dangerous to tell somebody that you’re entertaining and exciting.  I also don’t think it’s a good idea to say that your book is thrilling, romantic, sexy, or funny.  You have to prove that in the pitch.  Your pitch is your audition to show what a great writer you are.  Display for me that you can write an entertaining, exciting scene.  It’s like those people who wear shirts that say: SEXY.  Let me be the judge of that if you don’t mind!  And sadly I see no evidence in this pitch that your scenes are going to be different, unique, and yet still in the wonderful tradition of the great pirate battle scenes on land and sea that I know and love.  You need some word pictures to show me that you can paint a historical scene about Ireland’s “Aaaargh matey!” past.  Give me a villain that I can hate, that makes me want to hiss and boo.  Don’t tell me that it’s fast-paced, show me some action that moves by so fast I feel like I’m on the edge of my seat.  And I know so little about our hero.  How is he different than all the pirates I’ve known and loved?  And what exactly does his wife, the noblewoman, do that’s free-spirited?  What does she look like?  What does she desperately want in life on the inside that she can’t have?  What am I rooting for her to succeed at, besides just staying alive and not being killed by the evil English government?  And of course the same must be said of her husband.  I also don’t get any comparable title so I know exactly what kind of readers are going to love this book.  Promising idea but needs specificity.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).

  • May K. Cobb

    Big Woods by May K. Cobb

    When ten-year-old Lucy Spencer goes missing from her sleepy Texas town, her parents, the police, and the township all brace for the worst, assuming her body will soon be found.  They imagine her case will follow the deadly fate of the other recent, unsolved kidnappings in the area.  But Lucy’s sister, Leah, begins having dreams about Lucy and insists that she is still alive; that her dreams are messages from her sister, clues about what might have happened.

    As the deluge of grief threatens to pull apart the once-close knit Spencer family, fourteen-year old Leah sets out on her own investigation, risking everything in her secure world to find her sister.  Carl, Lucy’s father, slips further away from himself and his family as he tries to reconcile the fact th’s at his little girl slipped out of his hands one morning, while Roz, Lucy’s mother, must come to terms with the reality that some things lay beyond her control.  But it’s Sylvia, a reclusive widow across town who witnessed something years ago, who might hold the key to finding Lucy, if only she can find the courage to come forward.

    Set against the backdrop of 1980s small-town Texas and the feverish rise in paranoia surrounding satanic cults, “Big Woods” is a literary thriller about the enormity of grief, the magical bond between sisters, and a small town’s dark secrets.

    “Big Woods” was selected as the winner in the 2015 Writer’s League of Texas Manuscript Contest.

     

    The Book Doctors:

    Love the way you throw us right into the Texas hurricane of your story: girls gone missing, the background information adding to the deadly suspense with other children lost, a parent and community’s worst nightmare.  We always say, what are the stakes?  Well, they don’t get much higher than that!  

    We always want to make it difficult for our heroes to succeed.  You put this family under such stress and duress. The dad is freaking out, the mom can’t control anything, and they’re spiraling out of control. It’s horrible in life, but it’s great for a novel.  There’s a kookie neighbor who may be the key to it all. Then we have a telepathic dream-mystery, which leads to the sister becoming the detective and trying to find the murderer.  It reminds us of Winter’s Bone, a wonderful book that was made into a movie which launched a young woman named Jennifer Lawrence into the stratosphere of movie stardom.  You don’t have comparable titles.  There is one right there.  

    And then there’s the setting.  Everybody loves a Texas story, from Larry McMurtry to Friday Night Lights.  

    And the story really leaves us hanging in a great way.  It makes me want to know what happens next, which is the ultimate goal of any pitch.  I also love that you leave us with the fact of your not just winning a writing contest, but winning a writing contest in Texas, where your book is set.  I would like to see more images from Texas.  And there is a typographic/spelling mistake.  Believe it or not, some agents will click the delete button on any query or pitch that has a mistake in it.  Agents and editors are so overwhelmed and inundated they’re just looking for an excuse to say “no” to you.  Don’t give them that excuse.  

    Excellent pitch, great voice, great story, intriguing characters, wonderful location. Just give me a couple of comparable titles and we’re ready to rock ‘n roll.  Or, in this case, Texas Two-Step.

     

    Vote for your favorite pitch. The pitch that receives the most votes will be awarded the “Fan Favorite,” and the author will receive a free one-hour consult with us (worth $250).